This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
