im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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