Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize
