I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
