When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
