Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
