you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Oh god it's open bar.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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