I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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