Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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