why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My penis needs a shock collar
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