I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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