no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
