Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
