Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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