either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
