what day is it and did you see me today?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
