david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
