The maid of honor just puked.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
