threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
