a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
