Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
