haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
