just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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