My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
