Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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