Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
