i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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