this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
