I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
