She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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