jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I look better un-naked...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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