My room smells like vodka and shame
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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