Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
