margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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