i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
