You smell like a Billy Joel song
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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