Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
