yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize