I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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