They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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