You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
