Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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