Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
