I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
