I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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