i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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