Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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