FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
