I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
