OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize