im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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