So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
