i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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