hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize