today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
