I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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