haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
