Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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