would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
