I can't breathe out the right side of my face
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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