He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
