i just wanna soil my oats bro
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
