1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
how do you play pong handcuffed?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
