i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
