you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
