Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
