i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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