My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
