There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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