Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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