you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
