dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
