Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
